Hey dad, can you come back now? Please?

Dear Dad,

It’s been two months since we last heard your voice, gave you a hug and were lucky enough to be in the same room as you. The funeral was really good – well, as far as they go. There were so many people there – from far and wide – all gathered in the one place to say what a bloody good bloke you were. The beer was cold and there was plenty of food. You would have been proud. We had flowers coming out of our ears. And the cards. They kept coming for weeks.

The boys are not only walking but running now. Remember last time we saw you they were still finding their feet as they wobbled around your bed? There’s no stopping them now. They’ve also been reading up on your wine books lately. Last week I found them reading a book about setting up your own home cellar, so I think your collection is in safe hands.

I can’t believe that I’ll never get to say ‘hey dad’ again. Or email you with ‘specifications’. Or answer the phone and hear your voice. I miss you so much it hurts. I reckon I think ‘I’ll have to tell dad…’ at least fifty times a day. So I put your picture on the fridge so that I can still tell you. The paddock has so much feed in it at the moment but that little rascal Jimmy still gets out for a visit every now and then. You won’t believe what Bronwen Bishop and the Libs are up to now – bloody helicopters!

We were driving the other day and it was raining really heavily and the road was slippery. Shane put the car in 4WD. I didn’t think he should have and I needed to ask you. On that note, I want to get a lemon tree but I don’t know where to plant it. Should I get a dwarf one and leave it in the pot? Speaking of plants, you should see the hoya – it’s really taken off.

Even though we had some time to get used to the idea that you’d be leaving much too soon; living the reality is so much harder.  Sometimes, on an idle Monday afternoon I remember that you’ve gone and it rips my heart apart all over again. Sometimes you’re in my dreams and you talk back to me. All of the time, I feel completely ripped off by the universe.

We met mum in Melbourne recently to see “Rocky Horror”. Our room was supposed to be a two bedroom suite but it was more like our rooms in New Zealand – mum’s ‘room’ had two single beds and a curtain separating it from the lounge room. And to make matters worse, she had Bede in with her most of the night! Although she said she didn’t mind.

I finally started that blog I’ve been threatening to do. People seem to like it and those who don’t have been kind enough not to tell me. I wondered why I didn’t do it earlier but I always thought I didn’t have enough time.  If there’s one thing I’ve learnt, it’s that there’s never enough time. I hope you’d like it if you read it.

All this and so much more in only two short months. How are we supposed to spend forever without you? Have you got a phone up there yet?

Can you come back now? Please?

Love ya dad,

Hannah

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